The Marvel of an Ordinary Life

I look around my home. This is not the picture I had always had in mind. It's not that I'm not grateful - not at all! Quite the contrary, I'm very aware of our abundant blessings and the privilege of living where we do. It's just that it's so .... well, so normal. I live in a 3 level, 4 bedroom 3 bath house with beautiful flooring, nice fixtures and large rooms. There are things that are outdated but it is by far the nicest house we have ever lived in. I have a cute front porch with white columns and iron railings, a side paved patio perfect for outdoor dinning and a fire pit, a huge yard with plenty of space for the children to play and 2 garages - a single car garage and a 2 car garage. This is the type of place most people would work their entire lives to pay for. This is the American Dream. It just has never been my dream - at least not until now.

I've always walked to the beat of my own drum and loved the road less traveled. I love redefining what society says you need and should want. Living on less money than what people think you need to live well, living with less material things than people think you should want, living in smaller or different homes than what is considered normal for a family. These are all things that have defined most of my adult life. I've loved being a minimalist and pushing back on the rules of consumerism. I've enjoyed the challenge of living on much less money than is deemed necessary (whether by choice or necessity - I've done both) and proving that you can in fact live well and thrive regardless of your income. I've thrived in fixer upper homes or ones that are way smaller than typically seen as suitable for a family. I have thrived on the uniqueness of how we have chosen to live, and in a way, have become defined by that. I took pride in pinching pennies and stretching dollars as it was a fun challenge to me. I loved making small spaces work or breathing life into old houses that most people overlooked. I loved living in areas so rural most people couldn't imagine life there. It feels a bit like a modern day frontier. I loved living a normal life in an un-normal way.

I think I've always looked for something extraordinary to be known for or to do. I've dreamed of saving up and paying cash for a home. I've dreamed of building our own tiny house and creating a debt free little modern day homestead. I've always been drawn to people that do things a bit out of the ordinary. The ones that rent a one bedroom apartment for a family in order to have more time and flexibility in a high cost of living area, the ones that build a tiny home to be debt free or pursue income flexibility, families who live and thrive on less instead of always pursuing bigger and better, the ones who dare to blaze a path and pursue their dreams especially when they don't fit within the confines of "The Dream." I have researched these stories for inspiration for years. I've read blogs, watched YouTube videos, and talked with people in person. So many of their choices and lifestyles didn't translate to my own but I would always learn something and glean some wisdom.

I think there comes a time in life (or many times throughout our lives) when we must reconcile dreams with reality. When that happens we either must change what we are doing in order to make our dreams a reality or change our dreams to fit our reality. In my experience, it is usually a combination of both. Recently, I have realized that I need to do this. I have also had another rather startling realization. I need to work on being content. This was a surprising thing to acknowledge as I have always thought myself to be a very content person. However, over this past year in this rental I have come face to face with a lack of contentment. This may sound crazy to some, but it has been hard for me because life was a little too perfect, a little too normal. There is no great challenge to overcome here. There is ample space, we have affordable rent, an enviable yard, adequate rooms for our children, and even luxuries like a school room and 3 bathrooms. I have learned to be content in fixer upper homes, in homes with no storage, with limited square footage, or other things seen as less than ideal. In the places most people would deem challenging, I have learned to thrive and be content. Yet when my life is what most would consider ideal, I have struggled to be content.

I have struggled to make this sprawling house feel cozy and the prospect of building our lives from the ground up again has felt more daunting this time. Monetarily we have been blessed beyond what I could imagine and that has presented another set of challenges as well. I have spent years making the most with what I had and being content with the limitations imposed by the salary we earned. Now that so many of those parameters have been taken off, I have struggled to find the guidelines for using our money wisely and even adding in some things that are just pure luxuries. I still struggle to spend money on things that seem frivolous or aren't absolute necessities to survival. It has been hard to let myself enjoy some of those things. For years I have been content with very little and it has felt almost like a betrayal of that hard fought contentment to allow myself to enjoy some luxuries.

So ... contentment. I had to laugh at myself the other day when I realized with a shock that I was not content. I was not content with my lot in life at the moment. Not because it wasn't good, but because I thought it was TOO good! I think contentment is usually talked about when we have a lack. We talk about contentment when the budget feels a little too tight, when the home we live in needs major repair, when our car is 20 years old and everyone else is driving new ones. These are the times we think about contentment. This is the lens that contentment is usually filtered through. To be content and happy when things feel less than ideal is seen as admirable, but to be content and happy when we have more than enough is seen a result of the things we have or our place in life. One is seen as a sign of character while the other is seen as a result of external factors.

I am learning that it is ok to be content with more. To be content with life when it isn't a struggle. To enjoy the good instead of feeling guilty. I am learning to be content with normal. To not allow myself or my worth to be defined by doing things that most would think are hard or out of the ordinary. To be content with the completely unimpressive, quiet life I've been given.

I came across a quote the other day that resonated so deeply with me. It was written to parents about children but I felt it was applicable to myself as well. It said,

"Do not ask your children to strive for extraordinary lives.

Such striving may seem admirable, but it is the way of foolishness.

Help them instead to find the wonder and the marvel of an ordinary life.

Show them the joy of tasting tomatoes, apples and pears.

Show them how to cry when pets and people die.

Show them the infinite pleasure in the touch of a hand.

And make the ordinary come alive for them.

The extraordinary will take care of itself."

By William Martin

I have found that I have sought after an extraordinary life, even if it was in a way that most would not consider that extraordinary, when what I really desired was the wonder and marvel of an ordinary life. Here's to cultivating contentment in an ordinary life. Here's to dreaming new dreams and thriving with much or little.