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  • Writer's pictureGrace

Getting children to help ...

I have often been asked how I get the children to help around the house, and every time I have to stop and think back to how it all started. It's been so normal for so long that sometimes I forget. It may have started before this, but my first memory of training my children to help came when my oldest was almost 2 years old. We had just moved (you'll hear me say that a lot over time - I feel like every story in my life could start with that phrase!) and we were living in a 400 sq ft, one bedroom duplex. There was a shared back entrance where each unit's washer and dryer were in a common hallway. When I would start or switch out laundry, I would take my daughter with me as I didn't want to leave our door open or leave her alone in the house. To keep her occupied and out of trouble, she would hand me clothes to put in the washer or stand in front of the dryer and put the clothes I took out of the washer into the dryer for me. She loved it, and I did too.


This snowballed into more tasks that she could do. She was my only child and loved to be with me and since my work didn't stop, I found ways to include her. It was in that little duplex that she also started rinsing dishes with me. I would stand her on a step stool and put some water in the sink for her to rinse dishes as I washed them. She needed a lot of oversight and sometimes I wondered if it was worth it as everything got wet and there was the occasional dish that got dropped and broken. From that little duplex, we moved to a farmhouse in the country (coincidently it was on the same highway we live on now, just a few miles north - small world) and we got bottle calves, chickens, and milk goats. Every morning and evening chores had to be done and my husband was working really long hours so it was up to me to take care of the animals. I bundled my little girl up and took her along. She learned how to hold a bottle for the calves, helped feed the goats, scattered feed for the chickens with me and helped gather eggs. She was right there interested in everything, sometimes getting in the way more than helping, and sometimes downright creating more work! But learning - always learning.


She would "help" make my bed in the morning and then we would go to her room and make her bed. She helped unload the dishwasher (we had one in this house) and put things away. I purposely put dishes down in lower cabinets that she could reach so she could put them away or get them out when we were making something. I worked with her every day picking up toys before nap time and before bed. By the time our next child came along when she was 3 1/2, she was a first rate helper. I could not believe how much of a blessing she was to me! Fetching diapers or wipes, blankets or clean clothes, bringing my water bottle to me when I was nursing. She was (and is) such a gift.


Her abilities have increased over the years and it was easier training our second child because he saw her helping and wanted to do what she was doing. I didn't have set chores for them, besides their toys and beds, for a long time until we started paying them. They would just "help" with whatever I was working on. We started paying my daughter when she was 5 years old and because it wasn't an allowance but a payment for work, we set some chores that she had to do every day. My son followed a few years later. Since then, they have chores they do that they get paid for and chores they do simply because they have to contribute to the household.


We still all work together in the mornings on our own responsibilities and then depending on the day or tasks to be done, they will help me with extra things that need done after that. They willingly pitch in to help when a project is going on and even though sometimes I inwardly groan at the extra work it will create, I know by now that they are a huge help if I will just work with them and let them learn. Just last week the boys (6 & 2) washed and took grapes off the stems for me while I was boiling down grapes to make juice.

That same evening while I was still busy canning grape juice, my daughter (9) made a pizza crust, made up some pizza sauce as I was out of pre-made, put the toppings on it and made a salad for dinner all by herself. The boys set the table while she made dinner and I continued to can - even the 2 year old can set forks by plates, albeit a bit haphazardly. Times like that is when you really see the benefit of working alongside them, even when it takes longer and makes a bigger mess and hardly seems worth the extra work at the time. It is. It is so worth the investment in teaching them skills and responsibility. I believe it makes mothering even more enjoyable and rewarding, and I trust I am giving them skills and knowledge they will draw on the rest of their lives.


Since I started with my first child very young, I don't feel qualified to give much advice to those wishing to start with older children. I think my suggestion would be to include them in your work as much as possible. Make it enjoyable and use it as a time for conversation. Start small and work up. Praise them liberally. Use it as a time to spend one on one time with each child as you train them in a task. Set clear expectations and stick to them. Train in one thing at a time and don't bite off more than you can chew. Children learn quickly and love to please their mothers, so make it pleasant to work with you and it will be enjoyable for both you and them.

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